Often in life, when somebody has something a little quirky about them, everyone wants to know exactly "what's going on there?" The only trouble is, nobody wants to be the one to ask the question. We worry that they might take it the wrong way, we worry that it might make them upset or they just might not feel comfortable talking about it. And so, inevitably, we simply decide to shut up about it altogether whenever they are around. We might ask our friends or co-workers if they know what the deal is, secretly hoping that they can fill us in on all the juicy details. Chances are, they only know as much as us though - vague facts at best.
Over time, through this activity of forced silence or ludicrous Chinese whispers, the little quirk slowly balloons into this huge elephant, following the person around anytime they enter the room. If ever the subject really has to be addressed - it's awkward. Oh god, it's so awkward! It's embarrassing for everyone involved and we all just gloss over it and sugar-coat the situation, until it becomes stickier than a florescent cloud of candy-floss on a sunny day and twice as messy.
Personally, I know, (as the girl with the quirk) that I can be just as guilty of falling in line with this habit and almost subconsciously spurring it on. If nobody wants to talk about my sight, then I'm quite happy not to mention it. At times, I'm in my element in fact. I merrily go along, letting others stumble over their words and try to cover up any awkward aspect of life which might require sight, (which, let's face it, makes up at least 99% of your day)! Yet, when I hear others swapping suspicions behind my back or somebody presumes I can't do the simplest of tasks - usually something which most people can do with their eyes shut anyway - I get annoyed and frustrated.
Consequently, I have realised that, (as little as I may wish to) I need to learn to open my mouth and share my story. One of the main reasons I don't is because I don't want others to see me as less of a human because of it. The reality is, they will likely assume I am less of a human if I don't. True understanding always helps to break down barriers between people. By dancing around the subject, we think we are sparing ourselves from an awkward conversation-shaped wedge being driven between us. What we are actually doing is building a hopeless, unspoken wall of defense, keeping each other out from knowing the wonderful person inside.
In our modern-day, one-size-fits-all society, we often lump anyone with a similar quirk into exactly the same category. This is generally totally inaccurate. For some reason, it is easier for us to attempt to second-guess other people's issues than to simply speak to them about it outright. Believe it or not though, it isn't. No, as cringe-worthy as it may seem to have that conversation, it will be a whole lot less complicated further down the road for everyone if you do.
And, to be really honest, as soon as someone finally does pluck up the courage to talk to me about things or vice versa, I instantly feel a huge amount of warmth towards them. It's like a weight has been lifted from the shoulders of both of us. I know a real, solid bond has been forged between us from joining hands through the delicate obstacle course of tender topic talk. It feels good. It makes us both stronger. We are free to be ourselves.
This is why I decided to share the story behind my eyesight. I fear it is one that even some of the people closest to me may not be aware of. To me, as a very open, down-to-earth person, I am not doing myself any favours in hiding it away. If I never speak about it, I am not minimising the issue, (as I would hope) but instead shining a spotlight on the invitation for others to falsely speculate and blow everything out of proportion. My vision is by no means what makes me who I am. It is merely a tiny part of a very vivid and colourful individual, with so many other things to offer. Nonetheless, it is still a part of me - and, like all the other qualities I admire in myself, it is a part I want to be proud of.
Many times in life, it is not about what is different in somebody else, but about the common ground you could find through communicating together. There is probably nothing more lacking in either of you than a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. We're all completely the same in that respect. We all have stories and they all need to be heard by somebody. It is our similarities and our stories, after all, which put everything else into perspective.
I find it
amazing how perspective can change everything. This fact has been
highlighted to me very starkly recently and I am now at the point where I
would like to share some of what I have learned.
I have always and
will always be very positive about the way I was born. You can often
find me laughing and joking with my friends about how I can't see
everything they can. Then, one day, I sat up and realised that I
actually can't see all the things they can - and all of a sudden,
what had always been something I found amusement in, hurt like hell. I
felt like my world would never be the same again...
Perspective
is as simple as that. Two completely opposite ways of viewing one
situation. Nothing has changed at all, apart from how you think. The
magic of this is that if you can see it in these simple terms, you can
change your world at the drop of a hat.
We've all had a
week where we can wake up one day feeling like we're floating on cloud
nine. Then, for some unknown reason, the next morning, we come crashing
down to earth with a thump and suddenly life looks more dismal and
hopeless than ever.
It all comes down to perspective. Looking at life through a different pair of lenses.
I
have a wide range of sunglasses. The great thing about them is that
they help me to be able to see better, (because the sunlight is
especially harsh on my eyes) whilst still keeping my cool - or as cool
as I can possibly pull off at least! To be honest, I have become pretty
self-conscious about the way my eyes look to other people, but along
with my hefty amount of sunglasses comes my confidence. Over time, I
have realised that you can never completely get rid of the world's
rougher side. So, for me, it's more about toning down all those damaging
things which make me feel uncomfortable, (physically, mentally and
emotionally) and maximising my ability to find happiness in any
situation.
With that in
mind, I wanted to share some stories from my own life. The good times,
the bad times and everything in-between. If nothing else, it will help
me to remember that life is what we make it and give me a practical,
undeniable documentation of the perspective that, at times, we all so
desperately need.
If all else fails, you might simply require a brand new pair of perspectacles!
