Blind All the Time

Life is so fast-paced nowadays. Our society has become like a greedy child, thinking everything revolves around it and it needs everything right now! We can't just have food, we need fast food. We're no longer satisfied with the world wide web, we need it in super-fast 3G! We don't want to hear your life story, we want all your thoughts and feelings condensed down into a maximum of 140 characters, because otherwise - well, it just takes far too long. We sink through the hours of our day, like quick-sand taking hold and we simply don't have the time to stop. No, not even for the important things anymore...

It always makes me laugh when people ask, "Tell me about yourself?" as if I can be summed up in a couple of choice sentences. Besides that, where do you begin? I could tell you about my hobbies or give you a long list of my favourites. I could paint you a vague overview of my past, with the details miniscule and pixelated. I could describe to you the people in my life and my relationship to all of them. But none of those things are who I am. They are only microscopic pieces of a much greater puzzle. The trouble is, that to really know someone requires time - and time is exactly the one thing which we are so often not willing to give.

People like to rely on a list of statistics about you written out for them in black and white. That way, they can flick through at their leisure and see who matches up to their impossibly high expectations, distorted beyond reconciliation by our ever-growing pursuit for factual perfection. What these people never seem to question is, do objective facts really mean anything when it comes down to what a person is actually like?

I never used to want anyone to find out the fact that I have something wrong with my eyes. I always wanted someone to get to know me first. That way, I would have a chance to show them that I am so much more than that as a person, before they dismissed me as a stereotype of what they thought they knew. Sometimes, even when you play it that way, on the day that the truth comes out, everything changes.

Even in the 21st Century, people can have wonderful relationships for years on end and then one day, one of them discovers something about the other - a fact that they may have been born with or something which has developed naturally within them, entirely out of their control - and, all of a sudden, they can no longer be seen in the same way.

This is why, when some people discover new information about themselves, they keep it all burrowed away inside - a skeleton in their closet - for fear that the ones they love most will abandon them if they ever find out their secret.

Other times, people around you may loosely be aware of this fact about you already, but not really understand its importance to your life. And so, out of the blue, while you're going along as you always do, suddenly somebody sees the visual representation of what they discovered ages ago and have known all along, but have never experienced in this stark way before. It's your own personal normal, something you have accepted and deal with every day accordingly. Still, again, it has the power to change the way somebody looks at you.

The funny thing is that it's always been there. If you liked someone as a person before, when a new fact about them which was previously over-shadowed in the background comes to light, it doesn't change who they are at all. Their personality is still the same. They are still all of those incredible things that you have come to admire and cherish. They still have the ability to do everything they could in the past - because, guess what, they've been doing it the whole time!

I have been in situations where somebody has suddenly realised how much more of a struggle things can occasionally be for me and from then on, they feel as though they can dictate what I am and what I am not able to do, based on that. It is amazing how people make the word "difficult" an instant synonym for "impossible" at these times. The reality, of course, is that it has been difficult for me all along. Yet surely the mere fact that this has entirely escaped their notice for so long means that I can do it - and pretty well by the sounds of things!

I'm still me. I'm still a person. And no person is just any single fact.

There are so many facts which make up who every person in this world is. Some of them are facts relating to appearance, others are personality and still others are things like disability, sexuality, family background, race - the list goes on and on. Some facts come in large groups and others make up minorities. Some facts we have in common and others sculpt our subtle differences. All too often, people forget to see the full picture. One fact can never define anyone. One fact can never change who somebody is. One fact can certainly never make anything impossible.

The ignorant run from factual differences. The wise know that our differences are to be embraced. Personally, I think they create character. Out of perspective, new information about someone means they can never be the same again. In perspective, one single fact amongst the vast make-up of millions of others in any given individual really doesn't make any difference whatsoever. When it comes down it, no two people in the world share completely identical statistics. We all have our own, unique ways of doing everything. If anything, it's what makes life interesting.

Some facts change and some are always there, but try and make a list of all the facts about you. Trust me, you will have far too many. This is because, as people, we are so much more than singular pieces of factual information - and that alone is probably the most important fact you need to remember about anyone.     

Life Through My Eyes

Often in life, when somebody has something a little quirky about them, everyone wants to know exactly "what's going on there?" The only trouble is, nobody wants to be the one to ask the question. We worry that they might take it the wrong way, we worry that it might make them upset or they just might not feel comfortable talking about it. And so, inevitably, we simply decide to shut up about it altogether whenever they are around. We might ask our friends or co-workers if they know what the deal is, secretly hoping that they can fill us in on all the juicy details. Chances are, they only know as much as us though - vague facts at best. 

Over time, through this activity of forced silence or ludicrous Chinese whispers, the little quirk slowly balloons into this huge elephant, following the person around anytime they enter the room. If ever the subject really has to be addressed - it's awkward. Oh god, it's so awkward! It's embarrassing for everyone involved and we all just gloss over it and sugar-coat the situation, until it becomes stickier than a florescent cloud of candy-floss on a sunny day and twice as messy. 

Personally, I know, (as the girl with the quirk) that I can be just as guilty of falling in line with this habit and almost subconsciously spurring it on. If nobody wants to talk about my sight, then I'm quite happy not to mention it. At times, I'm in my element in fact. I merrily go along, letting others stumble over their words and try to cover up any awkward aspect of life which might require sight, (which, let's face it, makes up at least 99% of your day)! Yet, when I hear others swapping suspicions behind my back or somebody presumes I can't do the simplest of tasks - usually something which most people can do with their eyes shut anyway - I get annoyed and frustrated.

Consequently, I have realised that, (as little as I may wish to) I need to learn to open my mouth and share my story. One of the main reasons I don't is because I don't want others to see me as less of a human because of it. The reality is, they will likely assume I am less of a human if I don't. True understanding always helps to break down barriers between people. By dancing around the subject, we think we are sparing ourselves from an awkward conversation-shaped wedge being driven between us. What we are actually doing is building a hopeless, unspoken wall of defense, keeping each other out from knowing the wonderful person inside. 

In our modern-day, one-size-fits-all society, we often lump anyone with a similar quirk into exactly the same category. This is generally totally inaccurate. For some reason, it is easier for us to attempt to second-guess other people's issues than to simply speak to them about it outright. Believe it or not though, it isn't. No, as cringe-worthy as it may seem to have that conversation, it will be a whole lot less complicated further down the road for everyone if you do.

And, to be really honest, as soon as someone finally does pluck up the courage to talk to me about things or vice versa, I instantly feel a huge amount of warmth towards them. It's like a weight has been lifted from the shoulders of both of us. I know a real, solid bond has been forged between us from joining hands through the delicate obstacle course of tender topic talk. It feels good. It makes us both stronger. We are free to be ourselves.

This is why I decided to share the story behind my eyesight. I fear it is one that even some of the people closest to me may not be aware of. To me, as a very open, down-to-earth person, I am not doing myself any favours in hiding it away. If I never speak about it, I am not minimising the issue, (as I would hope) but instead shining a spotlight on the invitation for others to falsely speculate and blow everything out of proportion. My vision is by no means what makes me who I am. It is merely a tiny part of a very vivid and colourful individual, with so many other things to offer. Nonetheless, it is still a part of me - and, like all the other qualities I admire in myself, it is a part I want to be proud of.    

Many times in life, it is not about what is different in somebody else, but about the common ground you could find through communicating together. There is probably nothing more lacking in either of you than a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. We're all completely the same in that respect. We all have stories and they all need to be heard by somebody. It is our similarities and our stories, after all, which put everything else into perspective.

Perspective

I find it amazing how perspective can change everything. This fact has been highlighted to me very starkly recently and I am now at the point where I would like to share some of what I have learned.

I have always and will always be very positive about the way I was born. You can often find me laughing and joking with my friends about how I can't see everything they can. Then, one day, I sat up and realised that I actually can't see all the things they can - and all of a sudden, what had always been something I found amusement in, hurt like hell. I felt like my world would never be the same again...

Perspective is as simple as that. Two completely opposite ways of viewing one situation. Nothing has changed at all, apart from how you think. The magic of this is that if you can see it in these simple terms, you can change your world at the drop of a hat.

We've all had a week where we can wake up one day feeling like we're floating on cloud nine. Then, for some unknown reason, the next morning, we come crashing down to earth with a thump and suddenly life looks more dismal and hopeless than ever.

It all comes down to perspective. Looking at life through a different pair of lenses.

I have a wide range of sunglasses. The great thing about them is that they help me to be able to see better, (because the sunlight is especially harsh on my eyes) whilst still keeping my cool - or as cool as I can possibly pull off at least! To be honest, I have become pretty self-conscious about the way my eyes look to other people, but along with my hefty amount of sunglasses comes my confidence. Over time, I have realised that you can never completely get rid of the world's rougher side. So, for me, it's more about toning down all those damaging things which make me feel uncomfortable, (physically, mentally and emotionally) and maximising my ability to find happiness in any situation.

With that in mind, I wanted to share some stories from my own life. The good times, the bad times and everything in-between. If nothing else, it will help me to remember that life is what we make it and give me a practical, undeniable documentation of the perspective that, at times, we all so desperately need.

If all else fails, you might simply require a brand new pair of perspectacles!