Only Human

In my varied experience of the world so far, one of the worst feelings is that of heart-break. Your heart can break for all kinds of reasons and, incidentally, heart-break is something I have had to grow to become very used to on almost a daily basis. For me, it has most recently come in the form of finding out I need to have another scary operation and the terrifying unknown that comes along with it; watching others flourish and easily accomplish things I know deep down are out of my reach; truly understanding how different my life could have been if I had only been born into another body; realising how little I can honestly accept myself at times; watching my hopes and dreams gradually become nothing more than distant memories and waking up to discover that today, I cannot see to read.

I think the only feeling worse than this is being made to feel less than human by other people. As somebody who was born with a visual impairment, I always used to think of myself as "normal". Nothing that much like anybody else when push comes to shove. Nowadays, I realise that what I really meant by "normal" - and I think what the vast majority of people ever mean by normal - is human. No better than anybody else and no worse - but certain on the same level as them. True, one part of my body doesn't quite work as well as other people's, but that's it.

People pretend this is the simplest concept of all the time and that they get it - of course, they get that. It's obvious, right?

Then why have I been made to feel like a write-off so many times?

"Oh, by the way, just so you know, she can't see."

It's like an ice cube dropping into the pit of your stomach, followed by the raging fire of anger and hurt that inevitably ensues. They might not realise it - it might not seem like it to them - but they might as well just have said, "Oh, by the way, just so you know, she might as well not be here." Honestly, that is how awful it makes you feel. If you're looking for the perfect way to alienate someone on the spot, you've got it in one!

If I want to tell them, let me do it. Either way, it's my decision to make.

You wonder why the teller feels they have the right to disclose your personal secret like that - and you remember why you hold the information as such a deep, dark secret in the first place, as you immediately sense the toldee's judgement scuttling over you like spiders. Yep, you've just gone way down in their estimation, without even doing anything.

Some would say this is a far too over-sensitive estimation of what really happens when somebody finds out you can't see. But, trust me, as a girl who has experienced it and faked so many smiles, while inside her heart has just been shattered to smithereens all over again, it isn't. People will judge you. It's sad - but it's natural. Heck, I judge other people all the time. And why? Because I am human.

My head, my heart, my brain, my feelings, my hopes, my dreams, my fantasies and my nightmares are just like everybody else's. I think there is a huge misconception that people who were born with an impairment simply accept it and resign themselves to the fact that they will never be quite on the same level as everybody else. But if you lost your sight tomorrow, would it make you any less of who you are inside right now? Believe it or not, it's exactly the same. Personally, I don't think I will ever make peace with the fact that my eyes don't work like they should. It's like having a constant, irritating illness that flares up and gets worse every now and again - except the last thing you're looking for is sympathy. You just long to get better. You yearn to be treated like everybody else - because, guess what? That is how anybody else would feel in your shoes.

I want more from life. I am always looking to better myself. I want new opportunities, new responsibilities - I want to be given a chance. Trust me, I regret the fact that my eyes can't see a million times more than anybody I will ever come into contact with - but I do understand that my heart beats just the same as theirs. And therefore I know I'm only human, after all.

A Positive Person

Everybody is forever telling me that I'm "such a positive person". That "it's lucky you're so positive!" or that it's "alright for you, because you can always see the positive side". But the truth is, I'm just a person.

I have come to realise that all you can do is to accept the hand you are dealt in life. You don't really have any other choice than to do so, because there are plenty of things in all of our lives that we simply cannot change, no matter how much we might want to.

So then, you can either make the best of those things - or the worst of them.

Now, apparently, I tend to make the best of them quite a lot of the time and this is why I have been branded "Little Miss Sunshine" by the people who surround me. And, don't get me wrong, I am proud of that. I love being the person that others find strength from when they are feeling low. I relish the opportunity to inject a little lightheartedness into a world so full of dark, all-consuming black-holes.

Still, there are also plenty of times when my brain makes just about the very worst of things that it is possible to make.

I think the same can be said of most people.

And, like most people, I tend to hide the down times in a little underground cave, never to be seen by the world at large. After all, a positive person is still a human. As a human, we all need our down times - our times of sadness, frustration, anger, even hatred. These things are within us all - I think the major difference is simply how well someone can control them.

I have always been a great believer in having a good, long cry every now and again. It feels cleansing to the soul in a way that nothing else can quite achieve. However, knowing that others know how sad I am seems to stimulate my sadness to the max. I don't want people to see me in that light. I don't want them to realise how much certain things get to me or just how deep some wounds run. Greeting the ones I love with a smile, on the other hand, makes me smile far more too. Happiness is so wonderfully contagious.

From all of this, the most important thing I have learnt though, is that happiness is also a choice - just as positivity is a conscious decision. Underneath it all, a positive person is nothing more than a person, who practices positivity every single day - who can identify negative energy and never gives up the fight to conquer it.

In some ways, that sounds like a sad reality - we'd all like to believe that some lucky folks are simply born encased in special, positive pixie dust. And yet, to me, it is the most beautiful sentiment in the world. It means there are no "chosen ones". It's not a case of, you've got it or you haven't. Instead, it's always up for grabs... To anyone, at any time! Certain people may be more inclined towards it than others, but it is never impossible to be a positive person and you can decide to be one literally whenever you want.

The truth is, I love it when people call me a positive person, because it's then that I know my every-day battle is worth it. It's then that I am so thankful to life for forcing me to adopt that attitude - to make the best of every little thing I have and strive to take nothing for granted. It's then that I am proud of myself for not having positivity thrust upon me, but for being strong enough to choose positivity for myself.

Life is so empowering when you come to the liberating realisation that it's all in your hands.

Envy

We are always told that we should never compare ourselves to those around us. That everyone experiences things at their own pace, in their own time, in their own way.

Envy is one of those emotions that we know in our hearts that we shouldn't feel and yet it so naturally overwhelms us at times.

If we are honest, we all envy people for the things which they have that we do not. Nine times out of ten, they are material things that we simply fancy and will probably one day save up enough money to afford for ourselves. Sometimes they are physical features which we wish we could capture in a little bottle and smothers all over our own skin to make us a hundred times more attractive. Sometimes, it is something as simple as sight.

I get jealous of people who were simply blessed with the ability to see all the time. Because why do they deserve it and I don't? Why am I the one who has to struggle her way through things that mean nothing to others, solely because I was born different to them. How will I ever reach the dreams they seem to scale as though they are shallow walking stiles when everything is so much more complicated for me?

It's definitely not that I would wish them to be in my position, while I take theirs. I just us both to have the same chances of happiness as one another.

It's very difficult not to be just that little bit bitter when you witness somebody doing something that you know would take you forever, as if it was second nature to them. And I seem to be surrounded by that constantly.

It sounds like a toddler's tale of "it's not fair", but I think we can all relate in one way or another.

Envy is born of passion. Passion uncontrollably spreads like wild-fire.

The best way I have found to cope with envy is by turning it into inspiration. Rather than thinking, "Why can't I do that when everyone can?" I think "If everyone else can, why can't I?!" Usually, if you think about it long and hard enough, there are actually less answers to that question than you maybe first imagined there might be.

One thing I have learnt about myself is that, if I really want to do something badly enough, I refuse to let my list of excuse outweigh my temptation to try - to give it all I've got and more.

That's passion at its best in my opinion.

I believe that the more we can recognise envy to be passion, the more we can channel that passion into achieving everything we were once so envious of.

Sometimes you have to try a whole lot harder than other people, but the greater the struggle, the more precious the reward.

Finding Myself

Most of the time, I feel like I have a fairly sheltered life. People keep me safe, people take care of me, people look out for me - people even let me get away with things I shouldn't really be getting away with, simply because I can't see very well. Yes, apparently, that's a cute enough excuse!

And it's not that I'm complaining. I'm certainly not complaining about the last one on that list, because I've dodged some pretty admirable bullets courtesy of that little gem. No, but very occasionally, I allow myself to be reckless. I dare myself to do things which I know are probably not the wisest for me to do. Crossing the road alone, for example. Might sound silly to you, but try doing it with a blindfold on and you'll quickly realise how scary it can be. Actually, maybe don't try doing with a blindfold on or we may never see you in one piece again... Yeesh!

And yet, I bet crossing the road is something that most people do every single day without thinking twice about it. When you are reckless and brave, (or silly and foolish, depending which spin you want to put on it) and you do these things regardless as somebody who can't see, the full weight of how much you wish you could be one of those people who are lucky enough to take them for granted all the time hits you like a ton of bricks.

So far, I have always made it safely across - touch wood - and here I am to tell the tale. Every time you make it, you feel this small, flicker of accomplishment. You know it's a silly little thing really, but to you, it means... something. And yet, at the same time, you know that it shouldn't mean something. It isn't right that it is that big a deal for you. It shouldn't be that difficult for anyone.

It is both beautiful and heart-breaking all at once.

I'm sure it's easy to think I'm insane - a blind girl crossing a busy road - "You could get yourself KILLED!" Still, I don't think it's insane to long for a little independence as a young woman. I think it's the most natural thing in the world. And blind or not, I'm still just another young woman.

You see, I have always been one of those people who adores others, but also loves some time out to be with herself. Leisurely walks alone have forever been a guilty pleasure of mine and I guess I am still refusing to accept that this is a pleasure which is becoming more complicated all the time. I get so emotionally claustrophobic when I'm surrounded by other people constantly. Other people's opinions. Other people's decisions. Other people's ideas... I just need space to be who I am! Otherwise, I forget.

Finding yourself feels like a having big, satisfying stretch at the end of a really long, tiring day.

The most challenging thing for me is when I get these rare moments to find myself and the girl I discover is not one I truly have the ability to be. I long for the girl I know I could be if I only had 20/20 vision. I feel like I know her so well. I feel like she is there inside me, fighting to show herself and in those brief, beautiful moments when she does, I am overwhelmed by how much I desperately wish my eyes could live up to her expectations.

I am notoriously known for being somebody who oozes personality out of every cheeky smile. Honestly, I think the phrase, "That's so you" may never have been used more on any one individual. If ever life leaves me without my spark, when we are finally reunited, I fully appreciate just how much I've missed it.

That is the person I am and have always been in my heart. And I am proud to be that person. Full of adventure and curiosity and enthusiasm for life. We all have certain limitations which hold us back from reaching our full potential as people - physically, socially, mentally or otherwise - but when you have a moment in which you truly realise the kind of person you are, never dismiss it for any reason. In fact, flaunt it! Be that person to the best of your abilities as much as you possibly can. Never let anything come in-between you and who you are.

Sometimes, I thank my lucky stars that part of who I am is just that little bit too reckless for my own good!

Eating Out of the Palm of My Hand

I made a little friend whilst on holiday in the Peak District.

It's all about trust.

Don't Ever Let Anyone Tell You That You Can't

People often think they know better than you in life. Sometimes they think they know you better than you know yourself - and, you know what? Sometimes - they're right!

However, in most aspects of life, the lovely thing is that you get to choose whether to allow someone else to be right about you - especially when it comes to what you can and cannot achieve. For instance, if they think they have you all figured out and you don't like how scarily right they seem, it becomes your mission to prove them WRONG.

You can do this at any time, any where. Remember, it's never too late to show someone up and come out victorious. 

And that is why, against all odds -and without the aid of sight - this year, right after my latest eye surgery, I decided to carve a pumpkin for Halloween.

Please don't tell me I can't, it only ever encourages me more... ;-)

 

Letters to Listeners: When Networking is Not-working!

Dear Listener,

They say, in radio, you have to be a good story-teller, so here is my story.

I hear that the key to success in the media industry is networking; knowing the right person at the right time. But, Listener, how do you network when you can't see who you are networking with?

Take sight out of the equation and everybody looks the same. They tell me, "It's all done online these days" but, of course, you have to meet in person eventually... So, what would you do, Listener? Do you lead with your vulnerability? Do you highlight the one problematic part of yourself you wish to minimise the most? Or do you, as I have done, smile and pretend, without having a clue what is really going on around you?

It seems crazy to me that I have lived across the world and achieved a nationwide radio award in America, and yet my greatest struggles are right outside my front door at home. I so long  to be that pro-active go-getter who impresses everyone with her daring and gains instant gratification for her confidence. The trouble is that I can't see who I need to pro-actively go get to impress in the first place.

In my heart and mind, I have just as much passion and ambition as anyone else and, you know what Listener? Sometimes I wish I didn't. That way, I might not understand the heart-break and the frustration behind having something physical, which can sometimes keep me bound in blind isolation.

I don't want to forgo my dream because of the way I was born. It seems ironic to me that I spend so much time worrying about my vision, when all I've ever really wanted is for someone to listen.



Note from Author: 

I often get frustrated with the fact that I can't simply pin-point a person, walk up to them, know who they are, call them by their name and start a conversation. It is something so powerful and almost miraculous to me, yet something which anyone who doesn't have a visual impairment can take for granted and struggle to see the complications for those who find it difficult do so. After all, it's not that I don't want to approach people - and the thought that this may make those around me assume I am unsocial and uninterested breaks my heart, because I am an extremely outgoing individual inside.

I am constantly reading stories of how some people swoop into the radio environment, make the tea for everyone without being directed and carve an instant career for themselves in the industry. Now, unless someone directed me towards the kettle, I would never find it - or the recipients of the tea for that matter - and, if you really want to set yourself a challenge today, try making cup of tea blind-folded. Believe me, it's more terrifying than you think!

This factor plays out in both professional and social situations. It makes me so incredibly upset that I can't reach out to others in the way I so strongly desire to sometimes. However, that is why, when someone reaches out to me, it means so much more than any fully-sighted person might ever understand or experience. It is a feeling I treasure and a warm, open hand held out for me to take hold of.

After that, I spend the rest of the time we share repaying them for their kindness. In short, that clever person has just found themselves a keeper!

Blind All the Time

Life is so fast-paced nowadays. Our society has become like a greedy child, thinking everything revolves around it and it needs everything right now! We can't just have food, we need fast food. We're no longer satisfied with the world wide web, we need it in super-fast 3G! We don't want to hear your life story, we want all your thoughts and feelings condensed down into a maximum of 140 characters, because otherwise - well, it just takes far too long. We sink through the hours of our day, like quick-sand taking hold and we simply don't have the time to stop. No, not even for the important things anymore...

It always makes me laugh when people ask, "Tell me about yourself?" as if I can be summed up in a couple of choice sentences. Besides that, where do you begin? I could tell you about my hobbies or give you a long list of my favourites. I could paint you a vague overview of my past, with the details miniscule and pixelated. I could describe to you the people in my life and my relationship to all of them. But none of those things are who I am. They are only microscopic pieces of a much greater puzzle. The trouble is, that to really know someone requires time - and time is exactly the one thing which we are so often not willing to give.

People like to rely on a list of statistics about you written out for them in black and white. That way, they can flick through at their leisure and see who matches up to their impossibly high expectations, distorted beyond reconciliation by our ever-growing pursuit for factual perfection. What these people never seem to question is, do objective facts really mean anything when it comes down to what a person is actually like?

I never used to want anyone to find out the fact that I have something wrong with my eyes. I always wanted someone to get to know me first. That way, I would have a chance to show them that I am so much more than that as a person, before they dismissed me as a stereotype of what they thought they knew. Sometimes, even when you play it that way, on the day that the truth comes out, everything changes.

Even in the 21st Century, people can have wonderful relationships for years on end and then one day, one of them discovers something about the other - a fact that they may have been born with or something which has developed naturally within them, entirely out of their control - and, all of a sudden, they can no longer be seen in the same way.

This is why, when some people discover new information about themselves, they keep it all burrowed away inside - a skeleton in their closet - for fear that the ones they love most will abandon them if they ever find out their secret.

Other times, people around you may loosely be aware of this fact about you already, but not really understand its importance to your life. And so, out of the blue, while you're going along as you always do, suddenly somebody sees the visual representation of what they discovered ages ago and have known all along, but have never experienced in this stark way before. It's your own personal normal, something you have accepted and deal with every day accordingly. Still, again, it has the power to change the way somebody looks at you.

The funny thing is that it's always been there. If you liked someone as a person before, when a new fact about them which was previously over-shadowed in the background comes to light, it doesn't change who they are at all. Their personality is still the same. They are still all of those incredible things that you have come to admire and cherish. They still have the ability to do everything they could in the past - because, guess what, they've been doing it the whole time!

I have been in situations where somebody has suddenly realised how much more of a struggle things can occasionally be for me and from then on, they feel as though they can dictate what I am and what I am not able to do, based on that. It is amazing how people make the word "difficult" an instant synonym for "impossible" at these times. The reality, of course, is that it has been difficult for me all along. Yet surely the mere fact that this has entirely escaped their notice for so long means that I can do it - and pretty well by the sounds of things!

I'm still me. I'm still a person. And no person is just any single fact.

There are so many facts which make up who every person in this world is. Some of them are facts relating to appearance, others are personality and still others are things like disability, sexuality, family background, race - the list goes on and on. Some facts come in large groups and others make up minorities. Some facts we have in common and others sculpt our subtle differences. All too often, people forget to see the full picture. One fact can never define anyone. One fact can never change who somebody is. One fact can certainly never make anything impossible.

The ignorant run from factual differences. The wise know that our differences are to be embraced. Personally, I think they create character. Out of perspective, new information about someone means they can never be the same again. In perspective, one single fact amongst the vast make-up of millions of others in any given individual really doesn't make any difference whatsoever. When it comes down it, no two people in the world share completely identical statistics. We all have our own, unique ways of doing everything. If anything, it's what makes life interesting.

Some facts change and some are always there, but try and make a list of all the facts about you. Trust me, you will have far too many. This is because, as people, we are so much more than singular pieces of factual information - and that alone is probably the most important fact you need to remember about anyone.     

Under Pressure

When people think about operations, the first thing that springs to mind is physical discomfort. How much would it hurt? Do you wake up in agony? Do you feel really ill? And if you do, how long must you suffer before you get better? When it is you having the operation, your mind starts to run wild. Stupid questions start popping up like, "What if I don't fall asleep in the first place?" "What if I wake up half-way through?" "What if I never recover?!" What if, what if, what if...

Of course, most of these questions are entirely irrelevant. After all, on the whole, the surgeons do know what they're doing. "But what if they don't know what they're doing? What if they make a mistake? What if something goes horribly wrong?" Doubt seems to quickly become your best buddy. The devil perched on your opposite shoulder to reassurance. The nagging, irritating itch that demands to be tended to and has a hundred negative suggestions to counteract every one of your positive possibilities.

Personally, I got so caught up in all these concerns of how my surgery might impact upon my outer-self, that I totally neglected to prepare myself mentally and emotionally for what was about to happen. I think it's a common mistake. Medicine is all so scientific, full of those long words you can't pronounce and certain procedures you have no chance of comprehending if you tried. It's all so practical and logical, that you forget about the parts of yourself shrouded by more than a gown, which cannot be visually examined inside the operating theatre, nor heard through the intricate mechanism of a stethoscope. Yet, your feelings and emotions are in for just as much of a rollercoaster ride as your body and will likely be left equally a little bit beaten and bruised around the edges.

However, through this experience, I have learned that love can conquer any kind of pain.

The tight knotting sensation inside of my stomach when I woke up on the morning of my eye operation could only signify my first strong emotion of the experience - I was, without a doubt, nervous as hell! I have always believed that one of the worst parts of doing something you really don't want to do is the taunting anticipation beforehand - and well, I had many hours worth of that to endure! It is as though a computer fan has started up inside your tummy, whirring away and rapidly consuming all of your energy at an increasingly alarming rate. Your body tries to help you out, cooling you down with sweat and initiating those great long, deep sighs we let out to maximise our oxygen intake. Anyone who has been nervous for any amount of time will tell you how exhausting it is, even when you're simply sitting there, twiddling your thumbs - in fact, in some ways, that only makes matters worse...

Every now and then though, I would receive a message of good luck, thinking of you, best wishes. As I read them, I pictured the people behind the words. I thought about the times we had spent together; all the ways we have made each other laugh. For that little while, as I lost myself in memories, I forgot I was supposed to be petrified. I was smiling, a wide, wonderful smile that lifted my cheeks, heart and mind all at the same time. It was like taking a sip of some bewitching potion, whose effects are fleeting, yet incredible. Doubt fought back for my attention like a spoilt child, reminding me how much pain I might soon be facing, but this time reassurance whispered, "Keep smiling. For a start, love always wins. You're loved; you'll be okay."

When I came round from my anesthetic, (which, incidentally, had worked after all) both my eye and my emotions stung. It was then, as I lay there in a hospital bed for no other reason except the way I had been born, that I realised how silly I had been to worry so much about my physical wounds. Inside, a wave of sadness crashed over me and a stormy sea of lost prospects swirled around me in the darkness. The expectations I hold for myself have always been extremely high and the idea of a life with limitations overwhelmingly terrified me. 

The tide of negativity was getting too strong for me to swim against, I couldn't let my brain think any more. I reached for my phone, more as a distraction than anything else. I may have been sporting an eye-patch and showing an uncanny resemblance to a pirate right then, but I didn't need a map - I had already found my treasure. 

Beautiful words of encouragement and support threw me a rope and rescued me from my steadily sinking ship, wrapping me up tightly in their warmth. One eye was enough for me to make out how much people cared, how deeply they believed in me. From literally a few minutes beforehand when I had feared I had nothing left, now I miraculously felt like one of the luckiest and richest people alive. Perspective shone its captivating glow over everything and saved the day again, as I remembered a fact I have always lived by: Just because something is more of a challenge, it never means you can't achieve it. The only limits anyone truly has in life are those which we set for ourselves.

Doubt punished me with one abrupt, moody pang of pain across my face. Reassurance soothed my soul, "Let it hurt. In the end, love can never lose. Pain is just a temporary feeling; love will last you a life-time." 

     

Life Through My Eyes

Often in life, when somebody has something a little quirky about them, everyone wants to know exactly "what's going on there?" The only trouble is, nobody wants to be the one to ask the question. We worry that they might take it the wrong way, we worry that it might make them upset or they just might not feel comfortable talking about it. And so, inevitably, we simply decide to shut up about it altogether whenever they are around. We might ask our friends or co-workers if they know what the deal is, secretly hoping that they can fill us in on all the juicy details. Chances are, they only know as much as us though - vague facts at best. 

Over time, through this activity of forced silence or ludicrous Chinese whispers, the little quirk slowly balloons into this huge elephant, following the person around anytime they enter the room. If ever the subject really has to be addressed - it's awkward. Oh god, it's so awkward! It's embarrassing for everyone involved and we all just gloss over it and sugar-coat the situation, until it becomes stickier than a florescent cloud of candy-floss on a sunny day and twice as messy. 

Personally, I know, (as the girl with the quirk) that I can be just as guilty of falling in line with this habit and almost subconsciously spurring it on. If nobody wants to talk about my sight, then I'm quite happy not to mention it. At times, I'm in my element in fact. I merrily go along, letting others stumble over their words and try to cover up any awkward aspect of life which might require sight, (which, let's face it, makes up at least 99% of your day)! Yet, when I hear others swapping suspicions behind my back or somebody presumes I can't do the simplest of tasks - usually something which most people can do with their eyes shut anyway - I get annoyed and frustrated.

Consequently, I have realised that, (as little as I may wish to) I need to learn to open my mouth and share my story. One of the main reasons I don't is because I don't want others to see me as less of a human because of it. The reality is, they will likely assume I am less of a human if I don't. True understanding always helps to break down barriers between people. By dancing around the subject, we think we are sparing ourselves from an awkward conversation-shaped wedge being driven between us. What we are actually doing is building a hopeless, unspoken wall of defense, keeping each other out from knowing the wonderful person inside. 

In our modern-day, one-size-fits-all society, we often lump anyone with a similar quirk into exactly the same category. This is generally totally inaccurate. For some reason, it is easier for us to attempt to second-guess other people's issues than to simply speak to them about it outright. Believe it or not though, it isn't. No, as cringe-worthy as it may seem to have that conversation, it will be a whole lot less complicated further down the road for everyone if you do.

And, to be really honest, as soon as someone finally does pluck up the courage to talk to me about things or vice versa, I instantly feel a huge amount of warmth towards them. It's like a weight has been lifted from the shoulders of both of us. I know a real, solid bond has been forged between us from joining hands through the delicate obstacle course of tender topic talk. It feels good. It makes us both stronger. We are free to be ourselves.

This is why I decided to share the story behind my eyesight. I fear it is one that even some of the people closest to me may not be aware of. To me, as a very open, down-to-earth person, I am not doing myself any favours in hiding it away. If I never speak about it, I am not minimising the issue, (as I would hope) but instead shining a spotlight on the invitation for others to falsely speculate and blow everything out of proportion. My vision is by no means what makes me who I am. It is merely a tiny part of a very vivid and colourful individual, with so many other things to offer. Nonetheless, it is still a part of me - and, like all the other qualities I admire in myself, it is a part I want to be proud of.    

Many times in life, it is not about what is different in somebody else, but about the common ground you could find through communicating together. There is probably nothing more lacking in either of you than a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. We're all completely the same in that respect. We all have stories and they all need to be heard by somebody. It is our similarities and our stories, after all, which put everything else into perspective.

Perspective

I find it amazing how perspective can change everything. This fact has been highlighted to me very starkly recently and I am now at the point where I would like to share some of what I have learned.

I have always and will always be very positive about the way I was born. You can often find me laughing and joking with my friends about how I can't see everything they can. Then, one day, I sat up and realised that I actually can't see all the things they can - and all of a sudden, what had always been something I found amusement in, hurt like hell. I felt like my world would never be the same again...

Perspective is as simple as that. Two completely opposite ways of viewing one situation. Nothing has changed at all, apart from how you think. The magic of this is that if you can see it in these simple terms, you can change your world at the drop of a hat.

We've all had a week where we can wake up one day feeling like we're floating on cloud nine. Then, for some unknown reason, the next morning, we come crashing down to earth with a thump and suddenly life looks more dismal and hopeless than ever.

It all comes down to perspective. Looking at life through a different pair of lenses.

I have a wide range of sunglasses. The great thing about them is that they help me to be able to see better, (because the sunlight is especially harsh on my eyes) whilst still keeping my cool - or as cool as I can possibly pull off at least! To be honest, I have become pretty self-conscious about the way my eyes look to other people, but along with my hefty amount of sunglasses comes my confidence. Over time, I have realised that you can never completely get rid of the world's rougher side. So, for me, it's more about toning down all those damaging things which make me feel uncomfortable, (physically, mentally and emotionally) and maximising my ability to find happiness in any situation.

With that in mind, I wanted to share some stories from my own life. The good times, the bad times and everything in-between. If nothing else, it will help me to remember that life is what we make it and give me a practical, undeniable documentation of the perspective that, at times, we all so desperately need.

If all else fails, you might simply require a brand new pair of perspectacles!

Just Giving

There are so many charities for so many worthy causes in the world that it is hard to decide which ones to donate to sometimes. They all have such a convincing spiel and, as cold and stoney as this may seem, I think it's fair to say that we all occasionally catch ourselves wondering how much of it is simply fluff, designed purely to tug at our heart-strings and how much of it is hard, solid fact.

I, personally, have found myself in situations where charities appear to almost be manipulating me into giving to their cause. And that's weird. It turns the purpose of doing good around and leaves you with this idea in your head that charities are simply money-snatching associations, putting pressure on decent people to do things they don't actually want to do. Surely this is the opposite of what they are setting out for.

I was in town with my Mum this morning and a lady approached us from a charity supporting blind and visually impaired people. My Mum told her, "My daughter's registered blind," to which she gave us a disbelieving look of icy mistrust, tilted her head to one side and said, "...Really?" - as if we were simply making an excuse to get out of giving her money! It made the situation ironic; that she seemed to be working for my exact minority group and yet, when she actually met one of us, she treated me in a very strange way indeed.

However, on the whole, I believe that charities are set up for good intentions and to help. The major problem with them becoming a mere social irritation is that it devalues the causes which they are trying to serve. At the end of the day, it's so much more than a broad cause - a medical term or an environmental danger - it's individuals, like you and I, and like the people around us every day who are the real reason behind it all.

In fact, these charities are representing us. Now, call me picky, but I don't particularly want to be associated with a grumpy woman who instantly assumes you're attempting to deceive her.

People forget this very easily and they seem to think that if they don't know one of the individual sufferers personally, it shouldn't bother them in the slightest. Why do people care? Why can't people just chill out about it all?

Well, would you be able to chill out about it all if it was your life on the line?

Empathy seems to be utterly lost on certain people, who somehow get away with having no real difficulties themselves and yet, sadly, seem to find every other reason in the world to complain.

Although, at times, even ignorance can be a positive - after all, it's when people start getting annoyed that you know they're taking notice.

The latest craze has been the A.L.S. Ice Bucket Challenge, raising awareness for people with a motor-neuron disease diagnosed in over 5,600 Americans every year. I have seen people complaining about being sick of "having" to watch these videos, after a few weeks of them being in circulation online. The great part is that they don't have to watch them at all. Nobody is standing over them, forcing them to do it. They are continually choosing to watch and so taking notice of an important message, possibly without even meaning to.

It's a very clever way to go about spreading your word in my opinion. People can't help themselves when it comes to social media and impressing their friends. And therefore, sometimes ignorance can be a fantastically blissful tool, if one only knows how to take advantage of it.


I think charities are all well-meaning, it just depends on how creative and passionate their workers are and how they go about making people aware of a cause that probably means nothing to them, but to somebody almost certainly is life-changing.

In this case, it's somebody like Anthony Carbajal.

One thing I know for sure is that charities are about real people, with real problems. You just have to look it from their perspective.