A Positive Person

Everybody is forever telling me that I'm "such a positive person". That "it's lucky you're so positive!" or that it's "alright for you, because you can always see the positive side". But the truth is, I'm just a person.

I have come to realise that all you can do is to accept the hand you are dealt in life. You don't really have any other choice than to do so, because there are plenty of things in all of our lives that we simply cannot change, no matter how much we might want to.

So then, you can either make the best of those things - or the worst of them.

Now, apparently, I tend to make the best of them quite a lot of the time and this is why I have been branded "Little Miss Sunshine" by the people who surround me. And, don't get me wrong, I am proud of that. I love being the person that others find strength from when they are feeling low. I relish the opportunity to inject a little lightheartedness into a world so full of dark, all-consuming black-holes.

Still, there are also plenty of times when my brain makes just about the very worst of things that it is possible to make.

I think the same can be said of most people.

And, like most people, I tend to hide the down times in a little underground cave, never to be seen by the world at large. After all, a positive person is still a human. As a human, we all need our down times - our times of sadness, frustration, anger, even hatred. These things are within us all - I think the major difference is simply how well someone can control them.

I have always been a great believer in having a good, long cry every now and again. It feels cleansing to the soul in a way that nothing else can quite achieve. However, knowing that others know how sad I am seems to stimulate my sadness to the max. I don't want people to see me in that light. I don't want them to realise how much certain things get to me or just how deep some wounds run. Greeting the ones I love with a smile, on the other hand, makes me smile far more too. Happiness is so wonderfully contagious.

From all of this, the most important thing I have learnt though, is that happiness is also a choice - just as positivity is a conscious decision. Underneath it all, a positive person is nothing more than a person, who practices positivity every single day - who can identify negative energy and never gives up the fight to conquer it.

In some ways, that sounds like a sad reality - we'd all like to believe that some lucky folks are simply born encased in special, positive pixie dust. And yet, to me, it is the most beautiful sentiment in the world. It means there are no "chosen ones". It's not a case of, you've got it or you haven't. Instead, it's always up for grabs... To anyone, at any time! Certain people may be more inclined towards it than others, but it is never impossible to be a positive person and you can decide to be one literally whenever you want.

The truth is, I love it when people call me a positive person, because it's then that I know my every-day battle is worth it. It's then that I am so thankful to life for forcing me to adopt that attitude - to make the best of every little thing I have and strive to take nothing for granted. It's then that I am proud of myself for not having positivity thrust upon me, but for being strong enough to choose positivity for myself.

Life is so empowering when you come to the liberating realisation that it's all in your hands.

Envy

We are always told that we should never compare ourselves to those around us. That everyone experiences things at their own pace, in their own time, in their own way.

Envy is one of those emotions that we know in our hearts that we shouldn't feel and yet it so naturally overwhelms us at times.

If we are honest, we all envy people for the things which they have that we do not. Nine times out of ten, they are material things that we simply fancy and will probably one day save up enough money to afford for ourselves. Sometimes they are physical features which we wish we could capture in a little bottle and smothers all over our own skin to make us a hundred times more attractive. Sometimes, it is something as simple as sight.

I get jealous of people who were simply blessed with the ability to see all the time. Because why do they deserve it and I don't? Why am I the one who has to struggle her way through things that mean nothing to others, solely because I was born different to them. How will I ever reach the dreams they seem to scale as though they are shallow walking stiles when everything is so much more complicated for me?

It's definitely not that I would wish them to be in my position, while I take theirs. I just us both to have the same chances of happiness as one another.

It's very difficult not to be just that little bit bitter when you witness somebody doing something that you know would take you forever, as if it was second nature to them. And I seem to be surrounded by that constantly.

It sounds like a toddler's tale of "it's not fair", but I think we can all relate in one way or another.

Envy is born of passion. Passion uncontrollably spreads like wild-fire.

The best way I have found to cope with envy is by turning it into inspiration. Rather than thinking, "Why can't I do that when everyone can?" I think "If everyone else can, why can't I?!" Usually, if you think about it long and hard enough, there are actually less answers to that question than you maybe first imagined there might be.

One thing I have learnt about myself is that, if I really want to do something badly enough, I refuse to let my list of excuse outweigh my temptation to try - to give it all I've got and more.

That's passion at its best in my opinion.

I believe that the more we can recognise envy to be passion, the more we can channel that passion into achieving everything we were once so envious of.

Sometimes you have to try a whole lot harder than other people, but the greater the struggle, the more precious the reward.

Finding Myself

Most of the time, I feel like I have a fairly sheltered life. People keep me safe, people take care of me, people look out for me - people even let me get away with things I shouldn't really be getting away with, simply because I can't see very well. Yes, apparently, that's a cute enough excuse!

And it's not that I'm complaining. I'm certainly not complaining about the last one on that list, because I've dodged some pretty admirable bullets courtesy of that little gem. No, but very occasionally, I allow myself to be reckless. I dare myself to do things which I know are probably not the wisest for me to do. Crossing the road alone, for example. Might sound silly to you, but try doing it with a blindfold on and you'll quickly realise how scary it can be. Actually, maybe don't try doing with a blindfold on or we may never see you in one piece again... Yeesh!

And yet, I bet crossing the road is something that most people do every single day without thinking twice about it. When you are reckless and brave, (or silly and foolish, depending which spin you want to put on it) and you do these things regardless as somebody who can't see, the full weight of how much you wish you could be one of those people who are lucky enough to take them for granted all the time hits you like a ton of bricks.

So far, I have always made it safely across - touch wood - and here I am to tell the tale. Every time you make it, you feel this small, flicker of accomplishment. You know it's a silly little thing really, but to you, it means... something. And yet, at the same time, you know that it shouldn't mean something. It isn't right that it is that big a deal for you. It shouldn't be that difficult for anyone.

It is both beautiful and heart-breaking all at once.

I'm sure it's easy to think I'm insane - a blind girl crossing a busy road - "You could get yourself KILLED!" Still, I don't think it's insane to long for a little independence as a young woman. I think it's the most natural thing in the world. And blind or not, I'm still just another young woman.

You see, I have always been one of those people who adores others, but also loves some time out to be with herself. Leisurely walks alone have forever been a guilty pleasure of mine and I guess I am still refusing to accept that this is a pleasure which is becoming more complicated all the time. I get so emotionally claustrophobic when I'm surrounded by other people constantly. Other people's opinions. Other people's decisions. Other people's ideas... I just need space to be who I am! Otherwise, I forget.

Finding yourself feels like a having big, satisfying stretch at the end of a really long, tiring day.

The most challenging thing for me is when I get these rare moments to find myself and the girl I discover is not one I truly have the ability to be. I long for the girl I know I could be if I only had 20/20 vision. I feel like I know her so well. I feel like she is there inside me, fighting to show herself and in those brief, beautiful moments when she does, I am overwhelmed by how much I desperately wish my eyes could live up to her expectations.

I am notoriously known for being somebody who oozes personality out of every cheeky smile. Honestly, I think the phrase, "That's so you" may never have been used more on any one individual. If ever life leaves me without my spark, when we are finally reunited, I fully appreciate just how much I've missed it.

That is the person I am and have always been in my heart. And I am proud to be that person. Full of adventure and curiosity and enthusiasm for life. We all have certain limitations which hold us back from reaching our full potential as people - physically, socially, mentally or otherwise - but when you have a moment in which you truly realise the kind of person you are, never dismiss it for any reason. In fact, flaunt it! Be that person to the best of your abilities as much as you possibly can. Never let anything come in-between you and who you are.

Sometimes, I thank my lucky stars that part of who I am is just that little bit too reckless for my own good!

Eating Out of the Palm of My Hand

I made a little friend whilst on holiday in the Peak District.

It's all about trust.

Don't Ever Let Anyone Tell You That You Can't

People often think they know better than you in life. Sometimes they think they know you better than you know yourself - and, you know what? Sometimes - they're right!

However, in most aspects of life, the lovely thing is that you get to choose whether to allow someone else to be right about you - especially when it comes to what you can and cannot achieve. For instance, if they think they have you all figured out and you don't like how scarily right they seem, it becomes your mission to prove them WRONG.

You can do this at any time, any where. Remember, it's never too late to show someone up and come out victorious. 

And that is why, against all odds -and without the aid of sight - this year, right after my latest eye surgery, I decided to carve a pumpkin for Halloween.

Please don't tell me I can't, it only ever encourages me more... ;-)

 

Letters to Listeners: When Networking is Not-working!

Dear Listener,

They say, in radio, you have to be a good story-teller, so here is my story.

I hear that the key to success in the media industry is networking; knowing the right person at the right time. But, Listener, how do you network when you can't see who you are networking with?

Take sight out of the equation and everybody looks the same. They tell me, "It's all done online these days" but, of course, you have to meet in person eventually... So, what would you do, Listener? Do you lead with your vulnerability? Do you highlight the one problematic part of yourself you wish to minimise the most? Or do you, as I have done, smile and pretend, without having a clue what is really going on around you?

It seems crazy to me that I have lived across the world and achieved a nationwide radio award in America, and yet my greatest struggles are right outside my front door at home. I so long  to be that pro-active go-getter who impresses everyone with her daring and gains instant gratification for her confidence. The trouble is that I can't see who I need to pro-actively go get to impress in the first place.

In my heart and mind, I have just as much passion and ambition as anyone else and, you know what Listener? Sometimes I wish I didn't. That way, I might not understand the heart-break and the frustration behind having something physical, which can sometimes keep me bound in blind isolation.

I don't want to forgo my dream because of the way I was born. It seems ironic to me that I spend so much time worrying about my vision, when all I've ever really wanted is for someone to listen.



Note from Author: 

I often get frustrated with the fact that I can't simply pin-point a person, walk up to them, know who they are, call them by their name and start a conversation. It is something so powerful and almost miraculous to me, yet something which anyone who doesn't have a visual impairment can take for granted and struggle to see the complications for those who find it difficult do so. After all, it's not that I don't want to approach people - and the thought that this may make those around me assume I am unsocial and uninterested breaks my heart, because I am an extremely outgoing individual inside.

I am constantly reading stories of how some people swoop into the radio environment, make the tea for everyone without being directed and carve an instant career for themselves in the industry. Now, unless someone directed me towards the kettle, I would never find it - or the recipients of the tea for that matter - and, if you really want to set yourself a challenge today, try making cup of tea blind-folded. Believe me, it's more terrifying than you think!

This factor plays out in both professional and social situations. It makes me so incredibly upset that I can't reach out to others in the way I so strongly desire to sometimes. However, that is why, when someone reaches out to me, it means so much more than any fully-sighted person might ever understand or experience. It is a feeling I treasure and a warm, open hand held out for me to take hold of.

After that, I spend the rest of the time we share repaying them for their kindness. In short, that clever person has just found themselves a keeper!

Blind All the Time

Life is so fast-paced nowadays. Our society has become like a greedy child, thinking everything revolves around it and it needs everything right now! We can't just have food, we need fast food. We're no longer satisfied with the world wide web, we need it in super-fast 3G! We don't want to hear your life story, we want all your thoughts and feelings condensed down into a maximum of 140 characters, because otherwise - well, it just takes far too long. We sink through the hours of our day, like quick-sand taking hold and we simply don't have the time to stop. No, not even for the important things anymore...

It always makes me laugh when people ask, "Tell me about yourself?" as if I can be summed up in a couple of choice sentences. Besides that, where do you begin? I could tell you about my hobbies or give you a long list of my favourites. I could paint you a vague overview of my past, with the details miniscule and pixelated. I could describe to you the people in my life and my relationship to all of them. But none of those things are who I am. They are only microscopic pieces of a much greater puzzle. The trouble is, that to really know someone requires time - and time is exactly the one thing which we are so often not willing to give.

People like to rely on a list of statistics about you written out for them in black and white. That way, they can flick through at their leisure and see who matches up to their impossibly high expectations, distorted beyond reconciliation by our ever-growing pursuit for factual perfection. What these people never seem to question is, do objective facts really mean anything when it comes down to what a person is actually like?

I never used to want anyone to find out the fact that I have something wrong with my eyes. I always wanted someone to get to know me first. That way, I would have a chance to show them that I am so much more than that as a person, before they dismissed me as a stereotype of what they thought they knew. Sometimes, even when you play it that way, on the day that the truth comes out, everything changes.

Even in the 21st Century, people can have wonderful relationships for years on end and then one day, one of them discovers something about the other - a fact that they may have been born with or something which has developed naturally within them, entirely out of their control - and, all of a sudden, they can no longer be seen in the same way.

This is why, when some people discover new information about themselves, they keep it all burrowed away inside - a skeleton in their closet - for fear that the ones they love most will abandon them if they ever find out their secret.

Other times, people around you may loosely be aware of this fact about you already, but not really understand its importance to your life. And so, out of the blue, while you're going along as you always do, suddenly somebody sees the visual representation of what they discovered ages ago and have known all along, but have never experienced in this stark way before. It's your own personal normal, something you have accepted and deal with every day accordingly. Still, again, it has the power to change the way somebody looks at you.

The funny thing is that it's always been there. If you liked someone as a person before, when a new fact about them which was previously over-shadowed in the background comes to light, it doesn't change who they are at all. Their personality is still the same. They are still all of those incredible things that you have come to admire and cherish. They still have the ability to do everything they could in the past - because, guess what, they've been doing it the whole time!

I have been in situations where somebody has suddenly realised how much more of a struggle things can occasionally be for me and from then on, they feel as though they can dictate what I am and what I am not able to do, based on that. It is amazing how people make the word "difficult" an instant synonym for "impossible" at these times. The reality, of course, is that it has been difficult for me all along. Yet surely the mere fact that this has entirely escaped their notice for so long means that I can do it - and pretty well by the sounds of things!

I'm still me. I'm still a person. And no person is just any single fact.

There are so many facts which make up who every person in this world is. Some of them are facts relating to appearance, others are personality and still others are things like disability, sexuality, family background, race - the list goes on and on. Some facts come in large groups and others make up minorities. Some facts we have in common and others sculpt our subtle differences. All too often, people forget to see the full picture. One fact can never define anyone. One fact can never change who somebody is. One fact can certainly never make anything impossible.

The ignorant run from factual differences. The wise know that our differences are to be embraced. Personally, I think they create character. Out of perspective, new information about someone means they can never be the same again. In perspective, one single fact amongst the vast make-up of millions of others in any given individual really doesn't make any difference whatsoever. When it comes down it, no two people in the world share completely identical statistics. We all have our own, unique ways of doing everything. If anything, it's what makes life interesting.

Some facts change and some are always there, but try and make a list of all the facts about you. Trust me, you will have far too many. This is because, as people, we are so much more than singular pieces of factual information - and that alone is probably the most important fact you need to remember about anyone.